Brewing Ice

You kno how people say that you don't notice a change in yourself until its too late? Don't listen to them, they are complete fools and know nothing of which they speak. I know this because i can feel it happening. Everyone knows me for my crazy antics but when im not around them i am infamous for letting my heart ice over...and even now as i keep trying to stop it, i kno i can't. Im not sure why but it usually starts when something bad is going to happen...my friends that realize it try to help me keep it at bay and its even worked a few times. But i dont kno why i do this...i guess its a self defense mechanism just like my paintings,i use them as another way to get rid of my emotions. But apparently im a good actress or have great selfcontrol(haha) because nobody has noticed my depression or my mood swings. But i guess the mood swings could be inherited scince my fave aunt is on mood stabilizers.