Children, Household Chores and Entitlement

Copyright (c) 2008 Simplified Spacesexpecting them to do chores, but continue to
A common mistake that parents make whengive an allowance, while they take care of all the
delegating household chores to children ishousehold chores themselves, children may
remunerating children for their efforts around theperceive the continued allowance as a reward for
house. The reasons for offering money to childrenrefusing to do the chores!
to complete chores can stem from a desire toAs a parent, it's important to teach children that
reward children for a good job or to even bribehousehold chores are not an extra way to make
them to do chores without fuss. Regardless ofmoney, but rather, a way in which to condition
the reason, the outcome of this practice canthemselves into self-sufficient people capable of
negatively impact children's understanding ofcaring for themselves and aiding in the care of
themselves, their place in the world and theirothers. By proactively reminding children that their
internal belief system.contributions are necessary, expected and
The dramatic shift in culture between the 1960sappreciated, children will develop a sense of
and the 1970s ushered in a new wave of parentsbelonging to something larger than themselves,
who largely believed that letting "kids just be kids"become confident and secure in themselves, their
and relieving them of many of the responsibilitiesenvironment, their place in the home and in
that previous generations had seen was a moresociety. Think of it this way: if parents let "kids
attractive method of parenting. But this parentaljust be kids" and protect them in their early years
attitude had some unforeseen consequences. Itfrom learning how to take care of themselves
helped develop a sense of entitlement in children.and a home, their sense of entitlement can
While conducting research for writing my bookaccompany them way past their eighteenth
Mom, Can I Help Around the House? I conductedbirthday.
a survey of three hundred fifty parents. TheInstead of practicing a monetary reward system
survey yielded alarming results and proved thatwith household chores, parents should instead opt
this attitude has not changed much since then.for teaching children the non-monetary value of
Merely 11% of parents I polled reported that theirchores and emphasize the worth of the skills
children's household contributions are expectedlearned from them. If parents place value on
and were laid out clearly for them by parents.chore completion early in a child's life, the child is
From this data, we can infer that allowancelikely to find value in them as well. Because chores
figures greatly into the children and householdare often a group effort, children can celebrate
chores equation. And we also know that offeringbeing trusted with important housekeeping jobs
an allowance to complete chores can onlyand build self-esteem by knowing that their
increase children's sense of entitlement.contributions are not only appreciated, but
Paying children for chores can negatively impact anecessary to a functional household. With this
child's personal growth. If children receive moneytype of instruction, children become true
for contributing to their own household the seedsapprentices of their parents- little people learning
of entitlement can emerge. A sense ofbig lessons about life. Their internal belief systems
entitlement can send a child spiraling away fromshift to parallel the reality of the real world- a
the concepts of teamwork, family dynamics andplace in which hard work can result in real-life
the desire to learn important life skills that willsuccesses, a positive self-concept, service to
contribute to their success as adults if a reward isothers, and a healthy environment.
not attached. Moreover, if frustrated parents stop