| Okay. I'm sure you are a phenomenal cook! You | | | | breath along with my time (and that of the other |
| should have your own show on the Food Channel, | | | | hungry customers). I'm not going to tell the cook |
| your own restaurant and all that jazz. But in the | | | | the instructions you just gave me, because s/he |
| mean time, you've come to eat at the restaurant | | | | will laugh at me at best, or tell me off in a worst |
| that I work at. And I need to enlighten you on a | | | | case scenario. I'm not in the mood for either |
| few things as far as how (and by whom) the | | | | reaction, because the ultimate result will be the |
| food is prepared. | | | | same. S/he will cook your steak according to the |
| Point of Enlightenment #1: I do not cook the food | | | | rules, regulations, and specifications of this |
| that you eat at my restaurant. In fact, I pretty | | | | restaurant. If you want it medium, you'll get it |
| much can't cook at all! So, when you go into an | | | | medium. But if you want it mediumish with a hint |
| elaborate dissertation about the way the cook | | | | of med well, beaten three times on one side and |
| should have seasoned the meat, the way they | | | | five on the other, with a dash of Lawry's |
| should have diced the vegetables, the way you | | | | seasoning, a soupcon of paprika and a kiss of |
| always marinate things and so on and so on-Halt! | | | | honey, then go home and make it that way! I'm |
| Cease and desist! I know less than zero about | | | | sure it will taste awesome. |
| marinades, seasonings, dicing or slicing. Perhaps if | | | | Point of Enlightenment #4: I cannot stand there |
| we're discussing a sandwich I can hold up my end | | | | and monitor your steak so that it comes out in |
| of the conversation. A good ratio of Sara Lee | | | | between medium and med well. A customer |
| lunch meat to Kraft singles is something I consider | | | | actually asked me to do that. I told her that we |
| myself to be a bit of an expert on. But as soon | | | | could do her steak medium, which for us is pink all |
| as we delve into the area of sandwiches that | | | | the way through, or we could do it med-well, |
| contain grilled meats and toasted buns (as all of | | | | which is a thin strip of pink in the middle. She |
| our sandwiches do), then that's it, I've got to tap | | | | informed me that she wanted it to be in-between |
| out. | | | | those two. When I informed her that the cook |
| Point of Enlightenment #2: See, here's the thing. I | | | | could only do one or the other, she demanded |
| can list all of the ingredients in the foods we | | | | that I stand at the grill and stop him when the |
| serve. I can tell you that we grill everything on a | | | | steak was in between medium and med-well. I |
| flat top grill. Stuff like that. But of you want to | | | | painstakingly and politely explained to her that was |
| debate the various methods of how the cook | | | | never going to happen, and then went in the back |
| goes about conducting said grilling, again, that's a | | | | and had a serious laugh about the misguided |
| tap out on my end. What you really need to do is | | | | sense of over-entitlement that people can have. |
| talk to the cook. But you can't, because that isn't | | | | Here's the deal: most restaurants do well, |
| allowed at just about any of your typical sit-down | | | | med-well, medium, med-rare, and rare. Period. If |
| restaurants. They don't let you march back to the | | | | you want med-med-rare, well, see the italicized |
| kitchen and give the cook a crash course on | | | | statement above in point #3. |
| cooking things the way you do it at home. Sorry. | | | | Folks, here's the bottom line. I want to make |
| Point of Enlightenment #3: It doesn't matter how | | | | you happy, I truly do. But our cooks are not |
| much of my time (and the time of the other | | | | personal chefs, and if you are such a diva that |
| tables around you in my section; more on The | | | | you need one, I suggest you find a way to afford |
| Customer Who Believes They Are the Only | | | | one. And if you can't stomach a meal unless it |
| Customer in the Restaurant in another post) you | | | | tastes like your food or the sumptuous eats your |
| take up with a detailed explanation of how you | | | | momma always makes, then don't go out to eat. |
| cook steak that you expect me to go back and | | | | Because your momma doesn't expect a tip. |
| relay to the cooks- you're just wasting your | | | | |